Monday, 29 December 2014

Crackers about pens or just crackers?

Awwww, Christmas is over for another year but before I take down the tree and store away the decorations I'll do one last Christmas themed post to help me get it out of my system.

I loved Christmas day for the following reasons:

  • I got a day off work (I was exceptionally lucky this year and bagged myself Boxing day off too).
  • The shops were shut so it was impossible for me to spend any more money (unless I have a sneaky peak on the laptop) but I didn't so all was well. My bank balance has taken a beating so it will be extremely grateful for this recovery period (I know it's going to take a little longer than a day until it's fully re cooperated, but we're on the right path)
  • I got to watch my son open the presents he so desperately wanted but thought he wouldn't get. After being told one present was still on a boat from China, the other was out of stock and another arrived but was broken so had to be sent back, he truly believed this was going to be the worst Christmas ever. Instead he got everything he wanted. 
  • Everyone knows I'm a stationery geek so I can pretty much count on the fact that my presents will be mainly stationery themed.  I have to say this year I was especially spoilt. The amount of stationery I received would probably last anyone who doesn't spend all of their spare time obsessing about stationery a lifetime. 
I know! How amazing is this?!
  •  Then there was Christmas dinner at my parents house. My mum always decorates the table so beautifully, my Dad cooks a feast fit for a king and my brother burnt the pigs in blankets. And I, well I, erm, ok I did nothing but isn't that what you're supposed to do when you go to your parents for dinner? Probably not - bad daughter!
  •  Then there was the age old tradition of pulling Christmas crackers. They are always filled with bad jokes that only I laugh at. The paper hats that despite being far too big for my head I always manage to rip no matter how delicately I attempt to put them on. And not forgetting the naff cracker gifts.
Speaking of naff Christmas crackers, they were actually the real reason I sat down today to write.

Christmas cracker time for me this year was way more exciting that it should have been. Embarrassingly so in fact.

So here is my version of the cracker pulling events:

We all grab the end of a cracker and pull. From here on everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

The popping sounds were like my firing pistol signalling that the race was on to grab the best crap gift. Folded hats, terrible jokes and even worse gifts flew out from all directions, narrowly missing the Yorkie puds and the gravy boat. As the cracker gifts bounced about on the table my eyes locked onto the pen, still spinning from the impact.  A PEN CAME OUT OF THE CRACKER!! I grab it, shout 'mine'and pull it in towards me before anyone else gets their hands on it.

Time returns to normal, I put on my hat and joined in with the cracker jokes.

What everyone else saw:

We all grab the end of a cracker and pull. As they do every year, the gifts fly out from all directions, luckily none made it into the food this year.
I spot the pen at the same time as my son and with a crazed look in my eye I dive out of my seat, dip my sleeve in my plate, swat his hand out of the way and snatch the pen whilst shouting 'MINE'  before he has any idea what just happened. I hold the pen close to me, laughing hysterically while the rest of the cracker gifts are claimed. I start writing my name on my napkin with a satisfied smirk on my face, feeling like the cat that got the cream.

I then realise that I might have gone a little overboard (the clue was in the odd looks aimed in my direction) so I pop on my hat, join in the the cracker jokes as though nothing happened.

But it did happen. Want to see what all the fuss was about?
The delicious looking chocolates are there to distract you from the plastic naffness of the actual pen

Ok, so I got a little over excited. It is after all, just a plastic pen, likely to snap if I press down too hard or sit on it but it did make the cracker pulling event of 2014 unforgettable so I will keep it as a reminder. It writes pretty good considering!

Oh and the little notebook came from another cracker and I think after the crazy pen incident no one dared not hand it over so that too is all mine!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



  1. Sounds like you had a lovely christmas! I'm seriously jealous of your christmas gifts, chocolate and a ton of stationary things, um can your friends and family buy me some presents for next year? :P

  2. How about homemade crackers, then you could put stationary gifts in all of them